he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
