if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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