are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
