Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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