Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
