so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
