Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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