Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
