Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
