I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
