I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
