I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize