my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
