Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize