Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
