White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
