im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
