covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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