I got chris browned last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
