Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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