That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
