Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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