I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My vagina is officially offended.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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