either way he was missing a nipple.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
