dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
