I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I deserve this hangover.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
