is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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