Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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