Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
