dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
