he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
