Having a random hookup so left but love u
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
me + whiskey = a bad person
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
