I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
