every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
People in love make me want to vomit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm at about main and main street
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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