i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
