I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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