Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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