porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I look better un-naked...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
