birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
