I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
