no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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