I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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