dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
