I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
