The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize