Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
