Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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