Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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