When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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