I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
