Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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