She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
sex in a hospital.. check
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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