How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
