Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
