I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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