In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
