whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
