How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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