You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
