i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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