Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
