Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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