I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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