You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
