She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
