Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize