i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
