I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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