I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
