Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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