If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
