ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
