you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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