Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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