You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
