Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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