Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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