I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
