Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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