dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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