Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
