So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she smelled like a LAN party
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
