Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
