I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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