haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
