My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
