bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
