I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
