and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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