If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
