well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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