My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
