dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Soap is not a condiment
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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