Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
