I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
