I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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