i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
