We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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