I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
