I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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