I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
