i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
