3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
