shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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