How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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