I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
