i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
