you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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