yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize