I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
