Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize