So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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