I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
