fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize